Lifers: A Sapphic Dark Romance by K.C. Blume

Author:K.C. Blume [Blume, K.C.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2024-05-28T00:00:00+00:00

7

BLAIR

Iseparate the days into cold ones and warm ones. The days when I’m outside of my body and the scarce moments when I’m not watching the world pass me by like I’m a ghost. Most of the time, I can’t feel fucking anything at all, but there are moments when I feel everything. Everything, all at once. It’s euphoric, and it happens more frequently with Riley around.

The days are still cold, though. The warm ones are more like bursts of sunshine peeking through dark clouds, shining on my cheeks for just long enough to remind me that light exists. That’s what Riley is — light, despite her circumstances.

I withdrew into myself for a few days after the bathtub. I don’t fucking know why. I enjoyed it, and I don’t blame Riley for it ending so abruptly. It’s not like I’m some dude that’s going to call her a bitch for leaving me with blue balls. I just felt… guilty, somehow. Demosi says it’s because I value my partner’s pleasure more than my own, and I don’t see that as a bad thing. But given my past… he does.

“Did you orgasm during your assault?” He’d asked.

I could feel my face screw up, walls immediately slamming down in defense. What fucking difference does it make?

“I only ask because you’d previously put up a boundary with Miss Snow. You wanted to be the one to move your relationship forward, right? If that boundary were negated and you were forced to view this relationship like you have the ones in your past, and even your assault, then you may be feeling guilt that you didn’t give your partner what they wanted. In this instance, it doesn’t sound like Miss Snow necessarily cared very much about her own climax, but more so about yours. Much like your assault. But you weren’t able to give it to her.”

All we fucking talk about is sex when I sit down in that goddamn office. Sex and my anger and men. I understand why, and I understand that all things get worse before they get better, but if I have to relive that fucking night one more time while sitting on that cracked leather couch, I’m going to have another go at my life before they even let me out of this place.

“Yeah. I finished.” I admitted reluctantly, though I held back the details that he was seeking.

“Well, there you go.” Demosi tossed his hands up in the air.

Hallelujah. I’m cured.

“Do you feel like you owe people sex, Blair?” He continued. “You identify as a lesbian, yet you admit to having sex with men when it benefits you. Do you not feel like you have anything else to offer?”

I remember the taste of blood on the inside of my mouth. That metallic sting spreads across my gums and coats my tongue. I bit my cheek just to keep calm.

It’s just easier, isn’t it? That’s what men want. If they’re going to take it anyway, I might as well benefit from it.

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